Essay Writing
for a Word version, go to: ESSAY

A. Common Errors on First Essay:

1. Didn’t rescreen the movie – working only from old memories
    

2. hastily written, poor attention to details like spelling, lack of subject (NOT a sentence)
    

3. gushing instead of argued

·         example: “Hidalgo is a great example of a great film and people should run and see the movie because you feel as if you’re right alongside the character, feeling every emotion possible.”

4. badly organized
    

5. use of “that” instead of “who” when referring to people.

·         Example: “The girl that was flitting down the road…”

6. passive voice

·         example: “This film should be recommended by everyone that views it.”

·         Example: “for me this movie was discovered when I was only six years old.”

·         Example: “When Burnett is shot down, he is pursued by Serbian militia…”

7. Present vs. past tense:
   • change of tense from present to past or past to present

·         example: “The scripting is dull and turns from a vain attempt of saving people to the grim destruction of a town. The writers did not explain why…” (other problems with this sentence)

·         example: “One day, a math professor writes a math problem on the board … Will was able to solve it rather quickly.”

·         IN GENERAL: stick to present tense whenever describing scenes/events in a movie. For example: “Charles Foster Kane, in the course of his tumultuous life, marries twice. “

·         Use the past tense only when referring to some specific date or event from the past, such as: “In 1941 Orson Welles wrote, directed, and stared in a film that changed movie language forever. He named it, ‘Citizen Kane.’”

8. AWK = awkward

·         Example: “ the movie also takes place in southern Italy, where she finds a new love interest and he becomes the man in which she has many new changes in her life with.”

9. Not a sentence:

·         Example: “For example, when the film displayed Giulia’s excitement when she told her parents that she was having a baby.”

10. Ineffective repetition:

·                     Example: “The one movie I chose to be an excellent movie for everyone to watch is the movie called Heat.” ( “Movie” repeated 3 times. )

11. dangling participle

·         example: “Listening to the director’s commentary on the DVD, he mentioned….” – who was listening?!

12. use of “this” as a pronoun. It should always be used as an adjective, as in:

• “This thought”
• or “this passion”
• or “this action”

B. My corrections:

·         punctuation: instead of a comma, use a period.  The period I’ve added is circled.  Sometimes I suggest a colon:

·         Remove existing punctuation, such as a comma, where none should be, ,

·         Double underline as in means capitalize

·         New paragraph

·         “sp” means, spelling error

·         “col” means colloquial (excessively)

C. How to write: at a MINIMUM:

·         Draft 1 – let your ideas all pour out

·         Let it sit – a few hours, a day, longer…

·         Draft 2 – be ruthless –

·         Am I replying to the assignment?

·         Are my ideas clear (to anyone other than myself)?

·         Do I use good examples?

·         Is this paper organized in a logical way?

·         Is the language I use effective?

·         Look for typos, errors of parallel structure, errors of tense etc.

·         Draft 3 – be exact

·         Hone all of the above

·         Look for typos, errors of parallel structure, errors of tense etc.